39, no kids… yet?

Living life in a procreation grey area

When I first started writing this, there was a 38 where there is now a 39 so it’s been brewing for a while. I’ve lived out life, well the highlights at least, online since I was 23 but over the years I’ve put more and more distance between my personal life and my digital self. It’s this liminal space that keeps me sane(ish). Having done the opposite and regretted it, I know now my comfort zone is moving through something in the real world before sharing it online. I look back on cryptic, emo quotes and song lyrics I shared online in my 20s in an attempt to get back together with a boyfriend at the time and my cringe glands explode. Now even trips and holidays, let alone big life stuff, is shared retrospectively. This however, feels a little different because I’m not really sure what that retrospectively is going to look like or even when ‘moving through it’ ends… or begins? As you can tell, I’m a little upside down on all this.

And ‘all this’ is of course the ticking clock/time bomb of reproduction, the to-be or not-to-be of offspring and living life in a magic eight ball that got stuck between ‘maybe’ and ‘not sure’.